Blog Post

How to Get Rid of Fear–It's Not What You Think

Aug 28, 2019
How to Get Rid of Fear–It's Not What You Think

You might be wondering about how to get rid of fear. After all, in my last prompt I encouraged you to follow your own path by pursuing goals that both excites and scares you. Let's take a look at how to deal with fear.

So, let’s say you’ve identified what you really want.

And, let’s say that emotionally, you’re finding yourself in a place similar to my client Andy (not his real name) when he decided he would finally start promoting his new business.

In other words, you really, really want to go for your goal—and you feel an equally compelling urge to hide underneath the sofa.

Have you ever experienced these contradictory feelings at the same time?

Based on my observation, it’s very common that people are scared by what they most want.

If you pursue something that scares you, how do you get rid of the fear that sabotages you?

The first thing to keep in mind is that you shouldn’t listen to culture. Repeat: do not listen to culture!

Basically, our culture only gives us two bad options for dealing with fear:

Option №1: You valiantly start fighting your fear
(depicted below)

→ Result: your fear gets stronger! ❌

Option №2: You not-so-valiantly decide to hide underneath the sofa
(depicted below)

→ Result: your floor gets an unintentional cleaning — but nothing else improves in your life. ❌

And because our culture likes the whole Don Quixote/tilting at windmill’s approach, it advises you to pick Option №1.

Which would be great—if it actually worked.

Let’s take a look at…

Why fighting your fear doesn’t help you get rid of it

What’s the evolutionary purpose of fear?

It’s to keep you safe from harm. Your fear doesn’t want you to get eaten by a saber-tooth tiger (or by any other predators, for that matter).

So, how would your fear be able to keep you safe if you could shut it up easily?

For instance, imagine what happened if you could easily get rid of your fear:

Cave-You casually strolls through the woods, collecting local, organic and gluten-free blueberries from the bushes. (Millennia before organic food became a thing. Go Cave-You, little trendsetter!)

Suddenly, some twigs (or trees?) snap.

Fear: “Be careful! This might be a saber-tooth tiger.”

Cave-You: “Shut up, fear!”

Fear: “Oh, okay.”

<five minutes later>

Cave-You gets mauled by a hungry saber-tooth tiger.

Fear: “I told you so…”

In other words, if fear were less persistent, it couldn’t do its job! And, the job of fear is super-important.

Let’s face it: Without fear, we most likely wouldn’t be here. Our ancestors would have gotten themselves killed by doing something they
really shouldn’t have been doing.


In other words, we don’t get to tell fear to shut up!


Despite all that fear has done for us by helping humanity survive,…


Our culture is completely averse to fear and would love to banish it

For instance, check out the following quotes:

  • “Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.”—Dorothy Thompson (Tell that to Cave-You! RIP, Cave-You! *sniffles*)

  • "There is perhaps nothing so bad and so dangerous in life as fear.”— Jawaharlal Nehru (There is. Saber-tooth tigers, for instance...)

  • "Living with fear stops us taking risks, and if you don’t go out on the branch, you’re never going to get the best fruit.”—Sarah Parish (And if you get eaten by a saber-tooth tiger, you never get to enjoy the nice, tasty blueberries.)

So, the moral of the story:

We need a more skillful way of dealing with fear

What are we doing when we are trying to get rid of our fear (fight it) or just let it push us around (flee it)?

We’re treating our fear, our very own in-built survival system, as an enemy. That’s right, as an enemy. (We typically don’t fight or flee our friends, do we?)

When I put it that way, doesn’t that sound kind of… crazy?

So, what would be a better way of handling fear?

Well, how about treating it like an adviser instead? You don’t need to follow all the suggestions an adviser has for you — but it would probably be smart to at least hear that person out, wouldn’t it?

The same is true for your fear.

In many cases, your fears actually have some basis in reality. For instance, my client who was scared of promoting his business had the fear that he might be judged. That's a reasonable fear because when more people see your work, you will not only receive more positive feedback but also more criticism.

Of course, that doesn't mean that my client shouldn't promote his business, it just means that he should be prepared for being criticized so that he doesn't get derailed when that happens.

Wouldn’t it make more sense to actually be aware of the worst-case scenario, so that you can make a plan to deal with it?

Once you do that, your fear will shut up and actually let you get to work.

Here’s how that might look like:

Cave-You and the saber-tooth tiger, take 2 (featuring a healthy relationship to fear)

Suddenly, some twigs (or trees?) snap.

Fear: “Be careful! This might be a saber-tooth tiger.”

Cave-You: “Oh! Not good.”

Fear: “SABER-TOOTH TIGER!!!!”

Cave-You: “So, what should I do?”

Fear: “RUN!”

Fear: “FASTER!!!”

<five minutes later>

Organic blueberries get mauled by a hungry Cave-You who safely made it back to the cave.

Fear: “I told you so…”

— THE END —

With all that being said, let’s move on to…

A 5-step process for "getting rid" of your fear

Grab a pen and paper. Then, take a moment to go through the following process.

(If you want to get the most out of this or if you're afraid of getting stuck, get the "Taking Action Worksheets" and begin by filling those out.)

  • Pick a goal that really excites and scares you
    Write down the goal and make it as specific as possible. For instance: “By January 2020, I have 5 full-time employees.”

  • Rank your fear
    On a scale of 1 (no fear at all) to 10 (panic attack), how much fear does that goal brings up for you?

  • Explore your worst-case scenario
    What is the worst-case scenario your fear wants to warn you about? Even if it sounds catastrophic to you, please write it down. For instance: “I screw up and have to fire all my employees. My former clients and employees and even my friends and family all hate me. I end up living under a bridge.” Ouch!

  • Brainstorm options 💭
    Brainstorm what actions you could take to make that outcome less likely. For instance: “I could begin by hiring freelancers to work for me. I could also get advice from people who have been through this before. I could also use a Mastermind group and perhaps also a business coach to keep me accountable.”

  • Pick one of these options and start taking action
    For instance: “I could definitely use a Mastermind group right now, even before I reach my goals. So, I think I will brainstorm a list of people to ask if they’d like to be a part of my Mastermind group.”

The idea: to "get rid" of your fear, learn how to embrace it

I hope this article (as well as your own experience) has shown to you that it's impossible to fully get rid of fear. However, that doesn't mean that you're stuck feeling afraid.

Instead of treating your fear as an enemy and wondering how to conquer your fear, treat it as an adviser. That will drastically reduce the fear you feel and help you make better decisions.

The secret: You don't need to make your fear work for you. It already does. You just need to let it.

Want to learn how to get paid for doing what you love? Click on the video below to get my 3-part signature video series (a 30 USD value) for FREE:

Browse Blog Posts

By Louise 07 Mar, 2024
As you might have noticed, I recently decided to go by a different name ("Louise" instead of "Bere/Berenike"). My "new" name is actually my middle name and asking people to call me Louise has been really liberating for me. Basically, my name had been an ongoing source of subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) unhappiness and discomfort throughout my life. So, it feels great to have that issue resolved. :) If you are interested in reading more about my process, I have written a long post about changing my name on my blog here.
French Eiffel Tower in Paris
By Bere 07 Dec, 2022
No "Ode to Joy," no "Requiem" and no "Brandenburg Concerto" can hold a candle to the sound of silence. Silence isn't inefficient at all. During times of great...
A couple's two coffee cups
By Bere 10 Mar, 2021
A good marriage is like wine. It get so much better over time. Here are 6 marriage lessons that can help you improve your relationship.
More Posts
Hi there, I'm Louise, the person behind this website.

I help people find purpose, clarity, and focus.
Want to connect?

Click on the picture to sign up for my email list!
Share by: