How to Find True Love When You Care about Your Purpose

Many people who want to make a difference wonder how to find true love. They often really want to share their lives with an amazing partner if they don't already have one.

He also felt that, after having been single for a while, it was time for him to start dating again. After signing up for a dating platform, he was wondering how on earth to find the right person.

My client’s question reminded me of two unlikely friendships in BBC shows I had watched—“Sherlock” and “Merlin.”

The first one shows the journey of the fictional private detective Sherlock Holmes and his friend, Dr. John Watson, while the second one focuses on the legendary wizard Merlin and King Arthur.

If you watched these shows, you might agree that Sherlock lacks basic social skills and that Arthur comes across as arrogant and spoiled.

Yet somehow, John still becomes Sherlock’s biggest supporter. The same is true for Merlin and Arthur.

All this even though being friends with either Sherlock or Arthur regularly includes dealing with life-threatening situations.

At this point, you might rightly wonder why Merlin and John would risk their lives for someone who seems to be a jerk.

Now, many viewers have noted that there is sexual tension in both of these friendships, and the shows have been cited as examples of queerbaiting (where a show hints at but doesn't actually depict same-sex romance).

While I think this is likely true and worthy of further exploration, in this article I would like to highlight another aspect that rarely gets discussed: the role of purpose in creating and maintaining relationships.

The deepest bonds in both shows are arguably between the two main male characters—even though Sherlock lacks basic social skills, and Arthur comes across as arrogant and spoiled. Undeterred, John becomes Sherlock’s biggest supporter (which just so happens to include putting up with life-threatening situations). The same is true for Merlin and Arthur.

Is a romantic attraction by itself really enough to make you want to risk your life for someone who often acts like a ______ (insert expletive of your choice)?

Personally, I don’t think so.

And while Sherlock has many redeeming qualities, I wonder if John only sticks around long enough to discover them because he loves solving cases together with the detective.

The same might be true for Merlin. Despite being really annoyed about Arthur, he fully devotes himself to protecting the future king of Camelot— after finding out about their foretold destiny from a dragon ( hey, it’s a show after all... ). 🐉

I think it’s entirely possible that in both these cases, a joint purpose served as the “glue” that created a deep bond between two people.

Heads-up: you will find an additional, free resource (the FREE Soulmate Meditation) at the end of this article that can help you in creating a connection with that person. So when you get to the end of this article, watch out for that.

Alright, how can you tell if someone makes a great relationship partner for you? Well, to some extent that depends on what you care the most about.

Is it

• purpose and making a difference, 🌎
• success and accomplishment, 💸
• belief and adherence to traditional roles, ⛪️ or
  
• power and personal loyalty? 💪

It's worth noting that your answer to that question might change over time. For instance, these days I most care about living my purpose and making a difference but in the past, I might have cared more about success and accomplishment.

Your answer to that question matters because it can tell you something about your value system. And, if you’re looking for a deeply fulfilling relationship with a soulmate, it might be best to look for someone with similar values.

How an aligned purpose can help you find true love:

How to use this insight to find the right person for you:

If you’re single and would like to find a partner, I suggest beginning with the following steps (if you want to find new friends, you can adapt this  process and/or follow the steps I describe in this article):

STEP 1:
Take a moment to ask yourself if you care about living your purpose (hint: if you’ve read so far, you probably are). If the answer to that question is yes, proceed to the next step.

Example: “Hmm, so I do care about success and achievement. But I think I care even more about making a difference. And, I’m not really that interested in tradition or having power over someone. So, I guess that means I'm purpose-driven.”

STEP 2:
Grab a piece of paper and write down 3 places (virtual or in real life) where you might meet people with similar values who are looking for a partner.

Example: “If I remember correctly, there’s this dating platform that my friend Jimmy found. I’ll ask him for that name. I also remember this monthly meetup group where I met some fun people. And, there’s this interesting bookstore/coffee shop with live performances.”

STEP 3:
Grab your calendar and schedule a time to explore one of these places.

Example: “So, I have one virtual and two live options. Which would I like to explore first? Well, I’m a bit busy at the moment so maybe I’ll begin with the virtual one. Then, when I have more time I can attend a performance in the bookstore. I’ll text Jimmy and ask about the name of the dating platform right away. Then I can get set up there tomorrow evening.”

If you're wondering about how to find true love, remember that your values matter. That's why it's so important to get clear about them.

In the absence of a destiny-revealing dragon, you’ll have to find your purpose and that special person yourself (while I'm not a prophetic dragon myself, I'm happy to help ). To do so, start exploring environments where you might meet like-minded people who are single.

Just like the BBC’s version of John Watson or Merlin, you might find yourself gravitating towards someone who cares as much about their purpose as you do.