Blog Post

How I Stopped Hating My Work

Feb 08, 2020
Happy woman

I’ve got an embarrassing confession to make.

Here we go: over a year ago, I found myself hating my work.

Which might not seem like a big deal. After all, lots of people don’t love (or even like) their work.

Except I had branded myself as the Work You Love Coach. (Yepp, as you can see, that’s literally my domain name.)

Go figure!

Let me reveal how I found myself in the rather uncomfortable position of being an expert on loving one’s work while secretly hating my own—and, more importantly, how I crawled out of that particular hole.

My work honeymoon

Before all this happened, I had been loving my work for a number of years. After having left my career as a lawyer to start my own business on another continent, I was amazed that I could get paid for doing something that I loved to do.

So I wasn’t being disingenuous when I decided to focus on helping people have work they love.

I genuinely believed that work was a beautiful opportunity to make a positive difference in the world. That work could provide so much meaning for people. That I never wanted to retire because I liked what I got to do.

Trouble in paradise

However, at some point, the honeymoon phase ended and things between me and my work got “complicated.”

Given my niche, not liking my work made me feel like a total hypocrite. (Kind of like a fitness trainer who’s always binge-eating junk food or a relationship coach who cheats on their spouse.)

And, one of the things I most detest is hypocrisy. Hence the need to get it all off my chest, publicly.

After all, as the saying goes, you’re only as sick as your secrets.

And, it’s not exactly a secret anymore if you post it on your public blog, is it?

But first things first. Let’s explore why this was happening and what I learned from this experience about how to feel better about one’s work.

Why was this happening?

Back when I found myself in this place, I had no idea why I was feeling the way I did.

How was it that I found myself deeply unhappy with my work, to the point of hating what I was doing and just wanting to snap at everyone who was somewhat involved in it?

How was it possible, given that I had already created work for me that I really loved and that felt meaningful and fulfilling?

To add insult to injury, how was I able to help other people feel better about their work while secretly resenting mine?

My light bulb moment

What I eventually realized was this: I had too much on my plate.

Too many people wanted something from me and I felt like I was forever playing catch-up.

I was busy working on my business, coaching my clients, blogging, taking extensive business trainings (plural!), and exploring a new business idea with someone I hardly knew (with all the challenges that come with a new professional relationship).

In my spare time, I was co-leading a multinational legal team of a new political movement that was getting ready for public elections in a number of countries.

When I examined the situation, I realized that all of the things I was working on were things I loved to do and that felt meaningful to me. It wasn’t that these weren’t good things, it’s that I had too much of a good thing.

We need to realize that the dosage makes a huge difference. Water is hugely important for the human body and yet, you can quite literally kill yourself by drinking absurd amounts of it in a short time.

I was killing the joy I had for working by having too much work that felt meaningful to me.

(The challenge with meaningful work is that it’s much harder to just stop doing it, precisely because it feels meaningful.)

While it’s important to know why something negative is happening, it’s even more important to know how to change it. Which brings me to the next point.

The steps I took to love my work again

Stop overworking

“We think, mistakenly, that success is the result of the amount of time we put in at work, instead of the quality of time we put in.” — Arianna Huffington

The most important thing I did to fall back in love with my work was to stop overworking.

Concretely, I gave myself a set time to stop working each day. I only allowed myself to work longer if I either had to meet a deadline or if this was to accommodate an individual or a group who otherwise couldn’t talk to me (such as a client or a webinar).

I also stopped doing things that weren’t supportive of my business. This included considerations about a new business idea that didn’t seem to go anywhere and, once the elections were over, to step down from my position with the political movement.

The results of working less? I was more productive and increased my income (presumably because I focused on the things that actually made a difference in my business).

Needless to say, that really helped me feel better about my work!


Focusing on other areas of my life

“You should not confuse your career with your life” — Dave Barry

Sometimes it helps to stop focusing on areas of life that cause us grief. When we’re unhappy with our work, it’s often because we focus too much on it. (The whole “all work, no play” thing.)

So, for me, that meant spending more time with my husband and doing things I enjoyed. For instance, more regularly taking walks around a nearby lake to enjoy time out in nature.

Focusing on other areas of my life was a beautiful medicine for the antipathy I had developed for my work. And, with time, I once again wanted to focus more on my work…this time without neglecting other areas of my life.


Being honest about what was going on for me

To change something, we need to be honest with ourselves and with others. This is not always easy. As Gloria Steinem and others have put it:

“The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”


When we’re not honest with ourselves about what’s happening, we suddenly have two problems: the initial problem (in my case, not liking my work anymore) and the added problem of trying to pretend that’s not really true.

Admitting to ourselves how things really are gets rid of one of these problems.

    Is it comfortable? No!
    Is it necessary? Yes!

So, I admitted to myself and to some trusted others that I felt the way I feel. It didn’t mean that things couldn’t change and that this would always be the truth for me. It just meant that this was where I was at the time.

After all, you can’t get to your desired destination without getting clear on your current location.

Once I was honest with myself about what was really going on and gained clarity on why that was the case, things got better. I was able to create some much-needed changes.

As a result, I discovered a better balance in my life and soon found myself once again enjoying the work I got to do.

Lesson I learned

Through all this, I realized that work is pretty resilient. If you dislike your work at some point, it’s possible to take a step back, readjust and come back with renowned focus.

The same is probably not true for other areas of life, as real estate entrepreneur Gary Keller so wonderfully describes:

“Work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls — family, health, friends, and integrity — are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered.”

Thankfully, in my case, this hadn’t happened to me and all four balls were (and are!) still intact. That said, this quote is a great reminder to not focus on work to the exclusion of everything else.

When I did this, I once again started to love my work.
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